Pirate Stories: Away With The Fairies

by Pirate Matty on December 17, 2011

Hi everybody it’s Pirate Matty here and today I’m planning another adventure on the hunt for fairies. And maybe princesses!

Why, do you say? Because I’m love with fairies and princesses like a great big blubbery gooey piece of sticky chewing gum that sticks to everything? NO WAY! Don’t you know that fairies can grant wishes, wishes of everything and anything you would want?

What would you wish for?

I would wish for it to be my birthday every day so I could eat birthday cake every day!

I already talked about fairies on my blog already, I am really serious, because they seriously actually exist!

Where do you find fairies? Well I’m looking in my garden..

Ssssh! Be very quiet, I’m hunting fairies! Have you got fairies in your backyard? They might be very very valuable! They can grant wishes!

I came up with such a tricky plan! I went online to my online internet web computer, and I put an ad up – FAIRIES WANTED!

For adventure with pirate matty! Of course they were emailing because all the fairies want to adventure with pirate matty! Because I’m exciting and fighting all the bad gold and running away with all the treasure!


And I dance a jig!

And I compose sonnets pon bended knee in prostate adoration!

And lots of them answered! I’m so cunning sometimes! I tricky dicky pirate am I!

For each one I need a new trick, anew tale as I make my way through fairyland. Can I get them to come to a birthday party? Will they grant me a wish?

Can I do a pirate version of 50 cent as an ad for birthday stuff?

Arr me hearty, It’s ya birthday
Gonna party yeah at your birthday
Gonna drink rum from the cask like it’s your birthday
and we care not lest tis not your birthday!

Every fairy video need only be 30-60 seconds. Let’s go through a brainstorm of ideas. There are lots of ideas, and once we get a few going, I think we will come up with our own. The idea is each one works as a stand alone ad advertising FAIRY + PIRATE 1 HOUR BIRTHDAY ENTERTAINMENT AUCKLAND:

40 mins Birthday: $120
60 mins Birthday: $175.
90 mins Birthday: $225
2 hour appearance: $200
3 hour appearance: $275

We also do wizards, ninjas, and more!


David attenborough in the wild

Pirate matty is searching for the fairy but he never sees her standing behind him, possibly dancing.

What you’ve got to know about fairies is that 4 out of 5 doctors agree that fairies have girl germs. You’ve got to be aware of course that girl germs is one of the most serious complications facing young pirates today. The effects of girl germs can be deadly. Being touched by a girl can mean you have been infected with girl germs, and it means that you must love them because you are a boy and they aer a girl and they are, in fact yukky.

I wish it was my birthday everyday. If a fairy was here rigth now I would say “I wish it was my birthday everyday.” and then I would eat cake all day and I would get so fat that instead of attack my enemies I would roll on them like a ginormous bowling ball.

Can you grant me a wish? Say please. do a little dance. scrub the deck.

Are you a fairy? Sassy fairy “what does it look like you smelly pirate”

A giant net for catching fairies.

lots of chase scenes where fairies dance around clumsy pirates trying to catch them.

Whinging cane you pleeeeease just grant me one little wish? I promise I’ll be good! I’ll take you to the pet shop!

pirate matty if you don’t get this net off me right this instantce i’m going to turn you into a –

do you know what these fairies have got me doing now? I got into so much trouble, they turned me into a fairy! Can you believe it! (then have a fairy girl play a pirate) Can you just leave me alone? I don’t have any wishes, okay? I just want to prance and sing with my friends the fawns and small creatures of the woodlands.

Fairy removal service. Are fairies into up to strange doings in your garden? Magical, mysterious, strange, peculiar? You need pirate matty the fairy exterminator! Rapid response and removal!

fairies are very weird, peculiar, strange, crazy, odd,

fairies cast magical spells and this makes them very very dangerous! They can’t be trusted. “Hey pirate matty don’t you think it would be really funny if you just started slapping yourself in the face?”
“No.” *fairy dust*
“Well actually I think slapping myself in the face is an excellent idea and I can’t see why I didn’t do it earlier

Why do you deserve a wish pirate matty you’ve been nasty and mean and horrible, why do you deserve a wish?

Fairies are a lot of hard work. You may think it’s easy to catch a fairy and make them grant you wishes but it is a lot harder than it looks. They are very sneaky.

fairies are always singing and dancing and laughing and playing, it kind of half drives you mad, they don’t have ANY treasure or cool weapons

romantic charming pirate matty

would you have a fairy as your girlfriend? I went out with one once but she turned me into a frog! I had to spend 3 weeks trying to convince the bar wench at the public house to kiss me!

take a mermaid costume to the beach and let girls try it on and be in a mermaind video

Dancing lesson with clumsy pirate

Singing lesson with clumsy pirate

Fairy turns pirate Matty into a frog/chicken/cow/

Streetwise pirate matty is trying to impress fairy with tales of himself running the birthday game, the boss of birthdays, all the cake you want.

pirate matty we’re not just going to hand out wishes willy nilly, what kind of pirate are you, you don’t have a ship! That’s preposterous of course I have a ship! (pulls ship out of pocket)
– and look at your pirate uniform! it’s time for a fairy makeover!

Looking for fairy and she is right behind him.

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